Just waiting...

To bring you up to speed, here is an overview of the last two months:

1. Teach For America's Induction week for the South Louisiana region in Baton Rouge (06/06-06/11)
2. Monica, my cousin, gets married to David Khirallah (06/12)
3. INSTITUTE BEGINS (06/13)
4. Weekend in Memphis!!
5. INSTITUTE ENDS! (07/17)
6. Arrive back in San Antonio, leave to the Texas coast for Dad's birthday getaway (07/17)
7. Back to San Antonio (07/20)
8. Pack up and say good bye to S.A. (07/21)
9. Move to Baton Rouge with Mom (07/22)
10. More TFA orientation (07/24-08/01)
11. Hired, un-hired, re-hired, then un-hired by Rosenwald Elementary
12. Move in to 550 Pierce (our new home!) with Evan Nogay (W. VA), Aaron Massey (E. St. Louis/"the hood"), and Sean McGrath (Philly)
13. Interview & Wait

Listing off what happens in life really misses the essence of those moments, and it's what happens to be what happens between those moments or led up to them that ingrain those unforgettable memories. The moments that stick out the most from this summer and are appropriate to post online take place between #3-#5.

Question you might ask yourself: "What is Institute?" Institute is a five-week training program for new Teach For America corps members to learn every facet of the classroom culture and how to teach. There are multiple Institutes held every summer across the U.S. where new corps members (CMs) work in the classroom and basically learn how to be a teacher. Institute placements go according to your region (I'm in South Louisiana). TFA placed Charlotte, North Carolina, Mississippi Delta, Alabama, Houston, and South Louisiana regions in the Mississippi Delta for the summer because that is an area which parallels the regions we will actually be teaching. Those regions all rank towards the bottom of the educational totem pole and have similar demographics. With political correctness, I'd say this is a rural area faced with economic hardship and a definite need for a new wave of energetic teachers ready to improve the educational system. Because this is my blog and I say whatever I want, looking out my car window while driving down the highway I would ask myself, "What year is it here?" and "Who the f*** would ever want to live here?"

When Institute began, the new TFA corps members were told that the layout of our training would consist of teacher observation and then some application of our new teaching skills. Before Institute training began, we are given Pre-Readings meant to help us prepare for situations we need to be ready to handle. On arrival day, TFA seemed to be on their game with preparation, having the living situation fully prepped, meals included, an ample supply of educational materials at full access, and full schedules for our entire five-week teaching boot camp. Overall, moving to Cleveland, MS and transitioning back to the dorm life at Delta State University was made easy by TFA.

After a few days of settling, last minute preparation for our first days, some curriculum sessions to help us plan our lessons, and opportunities to meet other corps members in other regions, we walked into our first days with a fun surprise from TFA. There was no teacher observation. No relief from experience teachers to help you manage your class. Instead, we were thrown into the lions' den. From the first day on, this is what our days looked like:

4:15am -- Wake up
4:50am -- Out the door in professional dress
5:00am -- Dining hall opens, I inhale breakfast, and pack lunch
5:23am -- On the bus
5:30am -- Bus leaves
6:20am -- Arrive at Manning Elementary
6:30-7:30am -- Prep classroom
7:30-8:00am -- Students trickle into class
8:00-10:30am -- Reading block OR Curriculum sessions
10:30am-12:45pm -- Math block OR Curriculum sessions
12:45pm -- Dismissal
1:00-3:00pm -- Curriculum session
3:15-4:15pm -- Work time
4:15-5:15pm -- Bus back to Delta State Univ.
5:15-6:00pm -- Dinner
6:00-12:00pm -- Prep for next day
...Rinse and repeat.

The next question you might be asking is, "What are Curriculum sessions?" These are lectures given by TFA administrators and former corps members about every facet of teaching. They instruct us on the culture and environment of the classroom, how to lesson plan for math and reading, how to manage a classroom, how to invest our students, how to manage behavior with positive recognition and proper correction, and how to address certain cultural differences unique within our regions. Institute was split between these sessions where we learned about how to be a great teacher and then applied the new skills to our classroom.

A third question you might be wondering is, "Why did it take you so long to prepare for the next day's lessons?" Transitioning from the academic thought to an elementary mindset took me longer than several, which makes teaching simple concepts difficult because they need to be "student-friendly". For the first two weeks, dumbing down lessons was my biggest challenge, which led to bad execution. Teaching a student how to identify the pattern in 24,20,16,__,__ might seem simple, but when students don't understand how to count backwards, the lesson faces a serious challenge. Instances like these were common, but they reflect the achievement gap that I had only read about in readings. Seeing it in person was different. It made planning a tedious process that I slaved over because I had to be ready for any curve balls thrown my way.

In the first two weeks, my failed lessons led to crying, disruption, students under tables, yelling, lost tempers, increased anxiety, lost sleep, and worst of all -- the feeling of utter failure. In one instance, anxiety, frustration and exhaustion all peaked at once into a burst of tears. Reconsideration even crossed my mind.

After those grueling two weeks, I got better though. My body became accustomed to the three hours of sleep per night. My daily schedules had been planned out to every 15 minutes in order for me to optimize every waking moment. Coffee became my new best friend and my students became my cubs -- the little guys I cared about more than anything. With time, my skills grew and confidence in teaching grew even faster. Past the gauntlet, I started to understand the tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses of every student. My procedures in class became more explicit as I learned more how much students need to know exactly what to do at every moment of the day. With trial and painful error, it started to come together.

After investing so much into my students and fighting through the storm of Institute, I grew to love them and knew them like the back of my hand. Jemarcus Young could not stay in one spot for the life of him! When Nigel's mom didn't give him his ADHD meds, the boy could not behave if he tried. Devonte' was the runt of the class, but he sure was the bravest. George Conaway...a little pain in the ass sometimes, but I have to admit that kid cracked me up. And Amari Malone, the boy who spent the first two weeks either crying, under his desk, or both. Despite their moments, I can never forget their faces. As for Xavier, Jahiem, Markeva, Markyla, and Gary Coleman (haha!), they were the students I could rely on for positive recognition to bring the class back to order (e.g. "Thank you Jahiem for being in perfect Active Listening Position. O Markeva has her eyes on me. Xavier is ready to learn. Jemarcus, leave the cricket alone and sit down!"). But regardless of how well or badly they acted at times, every one of them showed incredible potential.

It's crazy how looking back not too long ago, I was on course to be working alongside my friends from college who are all working at marketing firms, corporate powerhouses, dot coms, and reputable businesses in New York City and Boston, and spend their weekends at promotional events glad handing clients and potential new clients. Instead, I'm here in Baton Rouge, stuck on #13 of my summer list. Am I regretful?...Not the least. But I am dying to have a classroom!

Several corps members quit during Institute to take jobs elsewhere. At those moments, I cannot help but think about the kids that are abandoned by people who are supposed to help them grow. All modesty aside for a moment, the students need me -- they need good, strong teachers. Sure, I can quit at any time to work at a marketing firm that would pay better, but I'd be leaving kids who need someone who can show them how to live and think in order to thrive in the future. That in itself makes #13 the most grueling. I miss the ridiculous shit some kids said. I can't wait to have those moments of panic where I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing. But most of all, I can't wait for those 'aha' moments when students have an expression that shows a light bulb just lit up. I can't wait to show kids what they're made of.

I can't wait for #14.

The Slow Climb

Do you remember your first roller coaster ride? After seemingly hours of waiting in line you rush to the front row seat where you've heard it's the best. Everyone waits as the other cart makes its round and talks about the upcoming ride, and you-the rookie-cannot help but feel the nerves kicking in. The cart starts moving after minutes of anticipation and the moment has finally come. In front of you now is nothing but a long and drawn out climb with an angle so steep you feel your feet dangling behind you. Every clank you hear as you rise elevates your heart rate to the point where you can't even sit still. You're approaching the climax when suddenly it seems like time slows down. You hit the peak and for one instant, time freezes. You take a split second to look all directions and see the beauty of the horizon for miles.

Finally, the hardest part of the ride.

For the past 22 years of my life, I have been a student. I was always the kid in the center or towards the back of the classroom outside of the "Miss"'s proximity, waiting for those precious moments when the teacher would turn his or her back towards the chalkboard to shoot spit balls at my friends. I was the average high school student texting during class while casually listening to the teacher lecture just to convince myself that I was making the most of my time between 8:30am and 3:15pm. School to me used to be the chunk of my day I worked hard at partially because I was genuinely engaged in what was taught, but also for the time I counted down until I could to play sports and spend with friends.

Now I'm days away from beginning my training at the Delta Institute for Teach For America and reality is setting in. Just two months ago, I was sitting in a desk endlessly jotting down notes as the professor lectured and sparked critical thinking and engaged discussions. Now, I'll the one standing at the front of the class. My final year of college at Boston University, I lived in a fraternity house (Chi Phi), where I walked home every night exhausted from studying and where I left the next morning exhausted because of the night before. Now, I'm the disciplinarian.

In just two months, I'm going to be responsible for the development of a classroom of children I have never seen in my life. A room full of young minds who can smell fear. The students that TFA corps members teach are primarily two to three years behind the national average and attend schools within low-income city districts. As an elementary special education teacher, I will have this challenge paired up with various behavioral and learning disabilities. So as far as I know, I could have a third grader with chronic misconduct, frequent absences, and the reading ability of a kindergartner, AND, am expected to bring that student up to national expectations, if not exceed that by the end of the school year.

Did I mention I've never taught a classroom of children before? The closest I came to that was babysitting my cousins a few times. To this day, I still don't even abide by the five-second rule (with valid reason of course). Now all I can think about is Arnold Schwarzenegger with a roaring scream as a he runs away in fright from a mob of five-year-olds in Kindergarten Cop.

When people ask what I'll be doing, I casually talk about Teach For America and the upcoming next two years in Baton Rouge, but I have yet to really open up about how I feel about all this. Honestly, this rapid transition is overwhelming. I am nervous and flat out scared. There has never been a situation that I couldn't handle, but this is my toughest test yet. Since that momentous day I received my acceptance letter into Teach For America, I have without doubt been excited about this opportunity. But going from 22-year student to elementary teacher in a span of three months can make any Goliath wail uncontrollably.

During my time at Boston University, the most valuable lesson gained was the vitality of education and knowledge. In comparison to the education system in Texas, Boston by far outweighs the Lone Star State. Sure Texas will always represent the mecca of football and athleticism, but had I been raised in an environment closely focused on academia, had I known the incredible potential one can hatch from learning, life could be different now. Perhaps it could be better.

I was blessed to have parents who have persevered to give me everything I needed and pushed me to excel in all areas of life. I've been spoiled with a healthy upbringing, which is why we should show the next generation their own potential. The name of the organization accurately reflects what it is achieving. It is not one classroom of kids. We are in fact teaching FOR America. My parents have demonstrated hard work in providing for our family, and they'll always be role models going forward. But in order for others to join this American mission, someone has to step up and pass on the torch. And when more people start to notice, I think more lives can be changed.

But before all that, I still have to get past the first big drop.